Cygnet

Cygnet American Ale
1 22 oz bottle, $?, 7.2% ABV
Brewery Only Release

Did you know that Aston Martin makes one of those cute little Euro-cars called a Cygnet? I surely didn’t.

Did you know a cygnet is a young swan? You didn’t? Even after seeing this picture right here to the right with a young swan on the label? Geeze, CAN HAS U EVEN READ THE WORDZ I BE TYPIN?

I’ve determined that Relic’s business strategy is to drive me crazy. (Heck, owner and brewer Mark joked as much to me on Twitter the other day.) As I can no longer hope to “drink and review every Connecticut beer,” I still hold on to the idea of nailing down every bottle and can release at least.

And Relic is making that very difficult. It seems that Mark pumps out small batches of new bottles every time I turn around. (I’ve long, LONG given up on keeping up with his one-offs at the brewery. I don’t even think Mark keeps up with them.) But alas, I have lovely friends who live nearer the Plainville nano-brewery and are kind enough to pick up the limited releases for me on the regular. Thank goodness.

Relic Says:

This American strong ale is brewed with malted oats, flaked oats, pale and crystal malts, balance by loads of Centennial, taking on delicious notes of orange.

This is a wonderful beer. Upon reading the above, you may have thought, “notes of orange? C’mon now.” But it’s true. I’m telling you! The Centennial hops really do impart a delicious orangey tangerinish flavor on the back end. Certainly not overpowering at all, and it works really well.

But the true star of the Cygnet show here is the rare use of the oat malt. If you’re insane and have read more than a few of my beer reviews, you know I’m not a “mouthfeel” guy. Who the hell cares about “mouthfeel?” No one. Ever.

BUT – the mouthfeel of the Cygnet is… is… is luxurious, as ridiculous as that sounds. This beer is as velvety as, say, a Guinness. And Guinness doesn’t have the carbonation of other beers. But the Cygnet is carbonated. What I’m clumsily saying here is that this beer just feels good to drink. And like I said, I know that sounds stupid – but I’m telling you, it made this very good beer rather great.

You know what else involving a swan was great? Black Swan. A movie about competitive ballerinas with some self-identity issues? Yes. Hell, this movie could have been about clipping toenails or how paperclips came to be and I’d have loved it.

Why? Duh. Mila Kunis AND Natalie Portman? Together? In the same frames of a film? I’m 41 and am comfortable saying that Kunis and Portman are perhaps the two women on earth during my adult lifetime who combine stunning beauty (equal), decent acting (equal I guess), intelligence (Portman wins), cuteness (Portman again), sexiness (Kunis easily here), exotic genetics (Kunis again) and apparently good senses of humor – though now Olivia Wilde creeps onto the radar too.

Hm. Can we have a follow up movie adding Wilde to the mix?

I don’t know if Portman likes beer at all, but I do know Kunis loves Blue Moon. If you’ve never seen this interview with her where she says that, you should. And Olivia Wilde starred in the rather terrible movie Drinking Buddies in which she worked at a brewery and drank a lot of beer.

So here’s my offer: I’ll have Mark brew kegs of Cygnet for the Black Swan 2 craft services. The orange notes will appeal to Mila with her love of Blue Moon, the nano-brewery angle will appeal to the character Olivia played in Drinking Buddies and the cute swan on the label will at least draw Natalie into conversation.

Honestly, I think my wife (who is as beautiful, cute, sexy, smart and funny as all three of these women… but can’t really act very well) would have no problem with this scenario. She’d be downright proud of me. Right? Right?!

Bonus 3rd picture in a beer review! Just Olivia Wilde. Y’know, no big deal.

Make. It. Happen.

Overall Rating: A-
Rating vs. Similar style: A

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