Bear Trap Honey Porter

Bear Trap Honey Porter
1 draught pint, $3.75, 6.4% ABV
Purchased at Cambridge House Brew Pub, Granby

Some things make absolutely no sense until you try them. I mean really… honey in a porter? That’s just silly.

I guess CHB had some left over honey from their honey tripel from the previous summer. After all, it’s from the same honey farm: Lost Acres. And it’s not like honey is available fresh in the winter. I’m simply stating facts here, not picking on anyone. Honey doesn’t go bad that quickly.

And I guess that CHB was brewing up their stellar porter, same as many times before.

And the brewer was dumping in the malt and the yeast just like always.

And the waitress was looking for the broom and dustpan.

And the brewer was up on his little step ladder, paying close attention to his carefully calibrated measures of porter ingredients.

And the waitress was in a hurry because there was broken glass on the floor near a family with little kids.

And the bar was watching the Patriots in the playoffs intently as Tom Brady dropped back to pass.

And the brewer leaned a little bit to the left to catch a glimpse of the important third down play while balancing himself over the mash tun.

And the waitress wished she wore higher waisted jeans as she bent over to pick up the dustpan.

And the bar crowd was crescendoing from murmur to buzz as the defensive ends were closing in on him for a crushing sack.

And the brewer quickly glanced down at the waitresses butt crack because that’s what men do.

And the waitress, realizing the free show she was putting on, sprung up to a standing position with a start.

And just before Brady was about to get destroyed, he handed the ball off to one of the Patriots’ stable of no-name running backs – it was a perfectly executed trap!

And the brewer, already off-balance, listed to his right with a mixture of embarrassment and excitement.

And the waitress, sensing the crowd’s excitement, swung quickly around towards the door with the broom parallel to the floor.

And the crowd, seeing the oldschool college play developing beautifully, yelped out in unified surprised glee.

And the brewer, in an attempt to catch himself, reached up to the shelf. The shelf with the giant jar of honey.

And the waitress, seeing the teetering jar of sticky goo, leapt over the falling brewer to catch the wide-mouthed jar just in time.

And the bar crowd, now toasting and clinking glasses after the improbable first down run, had started settling down a bit.

And the brewer yelled, “NOOOOOOOOoooooooo!”
And the waitress yelled, “NOOOOOOOOOoooooo!”
And the honey spilled “Galloop-galloop-galloop” out of the jar into the nearly finished porter.

And the Patriots lost.

CHB says:

“The aroma of local Forgotten Acres Farm honey lures you in before the cocoa flavor clamps down. Dangerously sessionable.”

A few weeks passed by and the brewer was about to toss the entire batch. But his boss asked, “Why are you going to dump that?”

And the brewer said, “Because a few weeks ago I was brewing the porter and Heidi came in and I saw her BARE butt crack while the Patriots ran that TRAP play and we spilled HONEY in the PORTER.”

Well, that’s just ridiculous.

And it is. Ridiculously good.

Overall Rating: A
Rating vs. Similar style: n/a

Beer Advocate’s Reviews of the Bear Trap
Cambridge House Brew Pub
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