Fat Ten-er #5

Fat Ten-er # 5 (Rauchbier)
Growlette, 8% ABV

Secured by my man Jay

fat5I rather hate rauchbiers. Smoked ales or smoked old ales or whatever you call them. Granted, I’ve only had a few and some are certainly better than others. But really, they taste like campfires for the most part and who the hell wants to drink a campfire and –

- what’s that? NEBCO made a smoked old ale? Oh snap, I lurve smoked old ales! Who doesn’t love that twinge of smoky peat highlighting a dark, rich ale? I can’t wait to see what the NEBCO crew did with this style!

Haha, fanboys. We’re pathetic.

In truth, I really don’t like smoked ales. I’ve had atrocious ones which were made with “smoke pellets” or – and this is absolutely true, one brewery that shall remain nameless somehow accidently burnt a bag of hops and decided to use them anyway. That resultant “beer” was unbelievably awful.

So imagine my (slight) dismay when I spoke with Matt from NEBCO one evening at the awesome Prime 16 annual tap takeover and he told me the next Fat Ten-Er experimental would be a smoked beer. Ugh.

But then I thought about it and told myself, “hey, if a brewery is going to do this style right, it’s New England.” But then the devil on my shoulder – or should I say, fire-breathing dragon – said, “dude, no. Stop being such a NEBCO suck-up. You won’t like this.”

NEBCO Says:
I’ve got nothing. And I just searched for something… anything… and found nothing. The mysteries of the NEBCO boys…

My NEBCO hook-up hooked me up as he so often and graciously does, but I let it sit in his fridge for quite a while. Smoked ales don’t go bad quickly, so I waited until Fat Ten-Er #6 came out. Which I happened to secure through other means. So I waited for #7.

Then I went to see my good man and this, the #5.

My good man handed it over and said, “do you like smoke? Cause this has a lot of smoke.”

I replied, “no, dude. I do not like smoke.”
“Oh. Are you sure you do not like smoke?”
“Can’t you hear what I just spoke?”
“Are you sure, not even a toke?”
“No sir, I do not smoke?”
“Drink it anyway, be a good bloke.”

He just wouldn’t listen to me. Then it got weird. Like, rainbow smoke weird.

SuessySmokeI am Steve
Steve I am

That Steve-I-am
That Steve-I-am!
I do not like
that Steve-I-am

Do you like
Ales with smoke in them?

I do not like them,
Steve-I-am.
I do not like
Ales with smoke in them.

Would you like them
Here or there?

I would not like them
here or there.
I would not like them
anywhere.
I do not like
Ales with smoke in them.
I do not like them,
Steve-I-am

Would you like them
in a house?
Would you like them
with a mouse?

I do not like them
in a house.
I do not like them
with a mouse.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
anywhere.
I do not like Ales with smoke in them.
I do not like them, Steve-I-am.

Would you drink them
in a glass?
Would you drink them
with a lass?

Not in a glass.
Not with a lass.
Not in a house.
Not with a mouse.
I would not drink them here or there.
I would not drink them anywhere.
I would not drink ales with smoke in them.
I do not like them, Steve-I-am.

Would you? Could you?
in a bar?
Drink them! Drink them!
Here they are.

I would not,
could not,
in a bar

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like them
in a tree?

I would not, could not in a tree.
Not in a bar! You let me be.
I do not like them in a glass.
I do not like them with a lass
I do not like them in a house
I do not like them with a mouse
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like ales with smoke in them.
I do not like them, Steve-I-am.

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you
on a train?

Not on a train! Not in a tree!
Not in a bar! Steve! Let me be!
I would not, could not, in a glass.
I could not, would not, with a lass.
I will not drink them with a mouse
I will not drink them in a house.
I will not drink them here or there.
I will not drink them anywhere.
I do not like them, Steve-I-am.

Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?

I would not, could not,
in the dark.

Would you, could you,
in the rain?

I would not, could not, in the rain.
Not in the dark. Not on a train,
Not in a bar, Not in a tree.
I do not like them, Steve, you see.
Not in a house. Not in a glass.
Not with a mouse. Not with a lass.
I will not drink them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!

You do not like
Ales with smoke in them?

I do not
like them,
Steve-I-am.

Could you, would you,
with a goat?

I would not,
could not.
with a goat!

Would you, could you,
on a boat?

I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not drink them in the rain.
I will not drink them on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a bar! You let me be!
I do not like them in a glass.
I do not like them with a lass.
I will not drink them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

I do not like
Ales with
smoke in them!

I do not like them,
Steve-I-am.

You do not like them.
SO you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may I say.

Steve!
If you will let me be,
I will try them.
You will see.

Say!
I like ales with smoke in them!
I do! I like them, Steve-I-am!
And I would drink them in a boat!
And I would drink them with a goat…
And I will drink them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a bar. And in a tree.
They are so good so good you see!

So I will drink them in a glass.
And I will drink them with a lass.
And I will drink them in a house.
And I will drink them with a mouse.
And I will drink them here and there.
Say! I will drink them ANHYWHERE!

I do so like
Ales with smoke in them!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Steve-I-am

True story.

Overall Rating: B+
Rating vs. Similar style: A+

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